


Insomnia

by Ghost_Writing



Series: It Started With Cadet Training [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Reader has feelings, Reader hates feelings, Reader is trying to be professional, Reader-Insert, Series, Slow Burn, but their mind has other plans, eventual polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writing/pseuds/Ghost_Writing
Summary: Feeling guilty about roping your "squad" from cadet training into the Scouts, you get up to take a walk. Unknown to you, Erwin follows after you. Can the man you've worked so hard to keep at arms reach force you to face yourself?After the events of "Coward" (a series)
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Original Character(s), Erwin Smith & Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë/Reader, Mike Zacharias & Reader, Mike Zacharias/Reader
Series: It Started With Cadet Training [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141619
Kudos: 46





	Insomnia

The scout barracks were lonely at best. Apart from you, Erwin, Hange, Levi, and Mike, there were less than a hundred scouts, not counting their three captains and the Commander. You sat on the bunk next to Levi, shooting him an apprehensive look as the five of you surveyed the room.

You could tell from the expression on his face, he was thinking the same thing you were _”where is everyone?”_. It was unnerving to see so few scouts, even as they jostled each other with their elbows, laughing as if it was their final hour. 

With a sigh, you fell back on your bunk, staring up at the top bunk that Hange had claimed. Mike was tucked underneath an empty bunk across from yours, with Erwin underneath Levi on the bunk to your right. The bunks were close, shoved together with barely any legroom to walk around in the mornings. You could hear Mike sigh from here. 

Turning your head, arms tucked underneath you, you lost yourself in your thoughts. You’d made it to the scouts, yet in a twist of fate, you’d broken your promise to yourself. Somewhere along the line, your training squad had turned into your friends, enough to convince them to join you in the clearly suicidal task of being a Scout.

After hours of turmoil, your mind sinking deeper into the pit of itself as it tries to decipher this friendship you had now found yourself in, you catch a glance of Mike. He looks so peaceful, a smile on his face as he curls up around a pillow that is far too small for him, yet is clutched as tight as possible to his chest.

A thought whispered into your mind as you stared at him. Wrapping around your mind, you found yourself replacing the pillow with your own body in your imagination. The warmth of his heartbeat against your chest lulling you to sleep, the security of having someone next to you.

You caught yourself, shaking your head as you looked back up at the top bunk.

“What’s wrong with you, (Y/N),” you grumble, sitting up in bed and staring at the floor as you tugged on your boots. You weren’t going to get sleep any time soon, so getting some fresh air might clear your mind of these thoughts.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t been as observant in your sleep-deprived state as you’d like to admit. You’d failed to notice Erwin stirring next to you as you put on your boots.

Trudging through the barracks to the back alley was a difficult task, finding yourself nearly getting lost in the maze of the scout’s base. Eventually, you stumbled out to the ledge where you could see out through the whole city. It glittered with small lights in the night, just dim enough to see the stars above. 

With a sigh, you slump down to the steps and stare up, trying to force the bubbling thoughts that kept surfacing about unprofessional interactions with your “friends”. You tried to take your mind off it by focusing on seeing beyond the walls and killing titans, however, your mind kept reminding you. Eventually, their smiling faces snuck into your mind as you sat around a campfire outside the walls. 

You’d been so lost in thought you hadn’t noticed the click of boots against stone as someone walked up to you, sitting down next to you.

“What’s keeping you up?” you nearly jumped from your seat as the voice of Erwin snuck into your mind. For a moment you swore you’d imagined it before you turned to see the blond sitting next to you.

His hair was a mess, fluffed up from sleep, as well as a wrinkled white shirt and sloppily adjusted pants. He was smiling though, leaning against the stairs as he looked at you with interest twinkling in his eyes.

You gulped, turning away from him out of fear your face had gone beet red.  
“Why do you care?” you grumble, staring out at the city.

“I know we’re not in training anymore, but you’ll always be our captain. Isn’t that enough?” he muses, looking up at the stars.

“I’m not a captain anymore, I’m just a Scout cadet,” you dismiss with a sigh. You wished you’d kept your title, it suited you.

“You still are to us. Even if it isn’t official you’ll always be our captain. You got us here, top of our class too,” Erwin chuckles, turning to you to offer a rather confident smile.

“I didn’t do it for you,” you grumble, looking down at the pavement instead. You hadn’t. It had been a selfish act, the sole reason he was here at all.

“Hm?” Erwin presses.

“It was selfish. I made that plan for my own gain because I- nevermind it’s stupid anyways,” you stop yourself after you caught yourself turning towards him, honesty creeping up on you.

“You didn’t sound stupid, I promise I won’t laugh at you. Stupid is what Mike looked like when I left,” Erwin insists, making you roll your eyes.

Your words leave your mouth before you can stop yourself.  
“Mike didn’t look stupid.”

Erwin arches one of his comically bushy eyebrows at you as you catch yourself, shaking your head as you look back down.

“This isn’t like you (Y/N). I don’t think I’ve seen you show emotion,” Erwin chuckles, ruffling your hair as you look back down at the ground.

“You want me to go back to being like Levi?”

“No! Er- I mean- no, this is good. Emotions are a good look on you,” Erwin stumbles through his words, a finger tugging at his collar.

It’s an odd response, how quick he was to assure you that you could show emotions. Or perhaps that was just your selfish heart hoping for a little more. 

There’s a long silence that follows his comment, where neither of you speaks and looks up at the stars instead. It’s tense as his question hangs in the air, you’d avoided telling him the stupid comment, but the more you sat quietly, the worse it felt to keep to yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, praying he wouldn’t hear you.

“For what?” he asks, turning to look at you as you swallow your own pride for a few moments.

“Forgetting the four of you to join the Survey Corps. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but- but that doesn’t mean you should’ve had to put your lives on the line for my sake.”

There’s a pause, as the silence starts to return and anxiety creeps up your legs like a dying man’s hand from under the rubble. Holding onto your leg and whispering how bad you were, how you’d practically asked your friends to die for you after treating them like shit for months. Until there’s warmth on your back as a large hand pulls you in.

You’re made to lean against Erwin’s side, eyes wide as you stare ahead at the city streets.

“Is this why you’re so worked up? That you think you forced us to join the Survey Corps?” his voice is softer, almost bordering on caring as he speaks, his head resting on top of yours.

Suddenly, you’re too tired to fight him. Suddenly, you’re too tired to fight yourself. The corners of your eyes well up as you nod your head against him, spilling over when you go to speak.

“I-I forced you all to put your l-lives on the line because I got attached. I w-went against my own promise, to not m-make friends,” you cry, tears streaming down your face as you lean against his chest.

He doesn’t flinch at your shaking voice, simply pulling you closer to him as he pulls his cape over you.

“I joined cadet training to become a scout, so did Hange, Levi, and Mike. You’d know that if you bothered to pay attention during meals instead of grumbling to yourself and staring at the Commander,” he chuckles, his head resting on top of yours as he rummages around in his pocket for something.

“Y-you’re not mad at me?” you whimper as he hands you a tissue to blow your nose in.

“Of course I’m not (Y/N). I could never be made at my captain for finally speaking to me on something other than battle plans. They’re fun to share, but they don’t compare to an actual conversation. It’s like what Nile usually says, better to have friends and die young than have no one and die old,” Erwin muses, idly running his hand through your hair.

“Nile?”  
“He’s one of the military police recruits. You would’ve met him if you’d ever joined in conversations at mealtimes,” Erwin explains “Thought it might be nice to have someone in another division.”

You nod your head against his chest.  
“If we even live that long.”

“I’m not dying until I see you become a captain again.”

“Promise me you won’t die at all. Hange can’t handle if you died,” you mumble, kicking at a rock on the ground.

“Alright, I promise I won’t die until I see you retire and join the Garrison Regiment,” he chuckles, his hand still running through your hair.

“Good enough,” you snort, looking up at him with a weak smile on your lips.

“So I’m finally good enough for you, Captain?” he teases, looking back down at you with a soft smile turning the corners of his lips.

Your heart skips a beat as you stare into his eyes for a moment, trying to search them for an emotion you recognize. Yet there’s no condescension, or hatred, or disdain. You can hear your heart hammering in your chest as you realize just how close you are to him. Thinking quickly to escape a situation that would ruin everything you built yourself up to be, you allow yourself to ramble.

“I mean you finally learnt not to introduce yourself in the shower at least,” you dismiss, pulling away from him before anything could be broken.

The absence of his body heat leaves you feeling far colder than you had when he pulled you into him. Your very being longed to lean back against him. 

“You didn’t give me an opportunity prior,” he reminds you, following your lead and standing up as well. There’s a hand on your hip that sends sparks up your body as you turn away from him.

“We should head inside, it’s getting late and we have training tomorrow,” you quickly say, trying to save yourself from drowning within those blue-bell eyes.

He nods his head, looking away as he takes his hand off your hip.  
“Agreed. Levi would have both of our heads if we were to sleep in,” he coughs, following you as you walk off towards the door inside the barracks.

You walk back in awkward silence as your heart hammers in your chest. When you finally reach the bunks, your boots off so you can slip back into bed, you catch him staring at you out of the corner of your eye.

Before you can stop yourself, you wink at him with a small smile.  
“Goodnight, Erwin.”

He blinks at you, his mouth opens slightly as he nods his head, managing to stutter out:  
“Y-you too, (Y/N).”


End file.
